Digging in the Dirt

Something in me, dark and sticky


All the time it’s getting strong


No way of dealing with this feeling


Can’t go on like this too long

Digging in the dirt


Stay with me,

 I need support

I’m digging in the dirt


To find the places I got hurt


Open up the places I got hurt

The more I look, the more I find


As I close on in, I get so blind

Digging in the Dirt by Peter Gabriel

            Hopefully, over the last week, you kept a Voice Journal, to write down everything that inner critic blasted you with (see Letting Go of the Mask 3). If you did not, it just means that you are more dedicated to preserving your misery. No judgment, but extremely unhealthy.

            If you did keep your journal, God bless you for beginning to get a handle on reality.

            Allow me to elucidate what your journal most likely revealed to you – because although your personal history and your ego will have some unique nuances, the human experience shares a vast common thread.

         You will have discovered that voice in your head for what it is – a vicious, uncaring, unloving and narcissistic entity (your ego), that assaults your God-given perfection, by distorting your perception of yourself, of others, and of the world around you.

            In its wake, it leaves you with a vision of a raw, fear-filled, ugliness that you have been perceiving to be your reality, your experience of life. This vision is your greatest enemy, even though it is not real. Yet, your reactions to it are…

For as he thinks within himself, so he is. Pr. 23:7 NAS

            Examine each lie in your journal that supports your false worldview. Scrutinize them in your meditations. See how that voice wants you to believe that you are inept at everything, how it slanders you and how it declares your unworthiness for being in relationships.

            The only thing it wants you related to, is itself.

            Observe what it says, without believing anything. Your Voice Journal illuminates the patterns of its strategies – how it both overtly and covertly maneuvers you towards suffering. Once recognized, the chains that shackle you with knee-jerk reactions, will begin to break away.

            Just notice. Don’t engage in battle, (God will do the work). Don’t look for it to change; it can’t. However, you can neutralize your reactions to it, which renders that nasty voice impotent.

         Remember your tools, (meditation, steadfast awareness, inquisitiveness, and action; see (Letting Go of the Mask), and (Letting Go of the Mask 2). As you meditate on the lies that you hear, answer every accusation this satanic voice spews, with the power of your questions: ‘Is that so?’ ‘Who says so?’ ‘Is that really true?’ ‘Can you show me the monster that I am?’ (It can’t, because it doesn’t exist – never did).

            Ask yourself, ‘Where did this opinion that I have of myself, come from?’ (Ego, duh!) ‘What has that belief cost me – physically, spiritually and emotionally, and what collateral damage resulted?’ ‘How would my life be, if I did not have this belief, but instead focused my faith on who Jehovah God tells me I am?’

            Your spirit will immediately resonate with you, because only it possesses the truth that you seek.

            Turn the tables on that malicious voice, by replacing its criticisms with exhortations, e.g. ‘I am worthy and lovable.’ And of course, you are. God created you to be one-of-a-kind. When you believe in truth, love shows up; and the inner critic cannot stand up to love. Every time you choose truth, the voice loses ground.

            You only have one judge, (Jesus Christ), and He loves you unconditionally:

“…I did not come to judge the world but to save the world.” Jn. 12:47 CSB

            Remember, the voice is devious. It will hammer you with a little truth about something that you did, an act that didn’t support your highest and best life. Instead of reverting to your old behavior, (blaming and shaming yourself, and shrinking into a ball of isolation), just acknowledge (confess) your transgression:

‘Yes, that was an unworkable act. I’m forgiving myself now and forevermore. I will act differently for my greater good. I deserve compassion and kindness for acting out my unconscious suffering, not eternal torment. The punishment stops now. I’m letting go of my desire to punish myself. I would rather be free in the blood of Jesus.’

            Always ask yourself, ‘What is real, true and important in this moment?’ I guarantee you that it won’t be anything that that voice has to say. There is freedom on the other side. When you remove your faith in the reality of the thing that you constructed in your head, your new and final relationship with it, will only be one of indifference. Meditate on these:

When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. 1 Cor. 13:11 NLT

We are human, but we don’t wage war as humans do. We use God’s mighty weapons, not worldly weapons, to knock down the strongholds of human reasoning and to destroy false arguments. We destroy every proud obstacle that keeps people from knowing God. We capture their rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ. 2 Cor. 10:3 – 5. NLT

            During these healing meditations, you will find that very few things that you believed in, were really what you thought they were; and that will be a good thing…

Step two of your path to freedom requires that you dig up some dirt: The Discovery Journal

            Assuming that you participated with step one, (the Voice Journal), you will have rendered that voice in your head impotent, with regards to doing any further damage. However, while it was on the loose, it planted seeds in your soul, that sprouted malevolent weeds, which constitute your heretofore stratagems for living, (and we’ve seen how that’s worked out).

            It’s time to start digging in the dirt, to ‘weed’ your garden…

            Take out a new notebook and answer the questions that follow. Your answers will reveal why you do what you do. Pray for true discernment. Sit down without distractions and write your answers down fast and furiously. That will be your heart at work. The more ‘thinking’ that you do, the more your ‘conditioned’ lies show up as answers.

            Don’t change those answers! Read them over only one more time, and then add anything that quickly comes up, and then leave them alone! Your answers will reveal how you do life. Once you see that, you can replace what doesn’t work with what does – God’s strategies.

DO NOT JUDGE YOURSELF FOR ANY OF YOUR ANSWERS! THEY ONLY CONSTITUTE A PICTURE OF WHAT YOU THOUGHT YOU NEEDED TO DO TO SURVIVE…

1. What is it about other people’s behavior that bothers you?
2. What are the things that keep you from being happy?
3. What makes you sad?
4. Describe your Life Story – from your earliest recollection to the present day.
5. List your ‘life-altering’ events – what happened, who was with you when it did, and what they and you did or didn’t do.
6. What meanings did you give to these events and how did that change your life?
7. Who do you enlist to help keep these ‘life changes’ in perpetuity; and how do you do that with them?
8. Name all of the people in your social and family circles. Describe your relationship with each of them, and how you would like these people to change.
9. List all the people whom you believe have or still are causing you pain.
10. List all of the people (don’t forget yourself) that you’ve chosen not to forgive.
11. Who are your enemies?
12. List your worries and what you are afraid of if they should come to pass.
13. List (in sequence), all your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations you experience, and the actions you take before each worry is full-blown.
14. What do you think your future holds for you?
15. What are the overall meanings do you bring to your life?
16. List your dissatisfactions in life? In what areas? Why are you dissatisfied?
17. What makes you angry?
18. What do you think each person you know thinks about you?
19. What things do you think are wrong about you; and how do you punish yourself and others who have these supposed faults?
20. What don’t you accept about yourself?
21. What secrets are you keeping?
22. What lies do you tell?
23. How do you feel when someone thinks you are wrong?
24. What conflicts are you having with things or people in your life?
25. How do you try to manipulate people into believing certain things about you?
26. What are the beliefs that you want them to have?
27. Is this a way that you try to control them?
28. How do you listen in conversation; how effective is your communication?
29. What are your fears? How do you react to them? How do you avoid them?
30. How do you run away from the present moment?
31. List the repetitive dramas in your life.
32. Who has abandoned you?
33. List your impulsive behaviors, including addictions.
34. What is the nature of the relief they bring?
35. What does your indulgence in them cost you?
36. What are the emotions that upset you? What happens just before and during your experience?
37. What and whom do your cling to?

Don’t dally with this list! Be brutally honest with yourself. Your rewards will be immense.

We’ll tackle your answers next week.

COMPLETE THESE QUESTIONS BEFORE NEXT WEEK! OTHERWISE, YOU ARE JUST MASSAGING YOUR MIND, AND YOUR LIFE WILL REMAIN THE SAME…

            Goodnight and God bless.