Digging in the Dirt 4

We’ve been examining the answers to the questions posed in a ‘Discovery Journal’ that I hope you are actively participating in (see Digging in the Dirt and Digging in the Dirt 2).Last time (see Digging in the Dirt 3), we looked at how you fashioned your ‘Life Story,’ that tale you’ve weaved about your past, how you embellished it, the way you brought harmful meanings to it, and then made it the yardstick of your misery.

Let’s continue examining how we constructed our false reality by looking at what we run from and why…

9. What are you afraid of?

Writing down all the thoughts, emotions and sensations that appear before your fear manifests, reveals how you do fear. Fear is usually based upon imaginary future outcomes, (that that voice in your head invents), founded upon unresolved anxieties from your Life Story.

We tend to run from our fears; yet, it is that frantic dash for safety and security that keeps those worries front and center in our focus – guaranteeing sustained dread.

If we had no fears, we would have no need for safety.

How we run, is by changing jobs, relationships, addresses, or by the administration of addictions or distractions. When we’re running, we are in the grip of our unworkable strategies. So, let’s examine our core fears:

Are you afraid someone will find out who you really are? The irony is that most of us don’t know who we are; but we can find out if we scrutinize how we constructed our masks to conceal our imaginary flaws.

Every flaw that you think you have is a product of a broken relationship, out of which, you desperately and courageously created a survival mechanism. The truth is, that you only had a wounded heart problem. There was no defect in your true self – never was. Your real fear in this case, was one of being rejected.

You deserve unconditional love and compassion. Give it to yourself by living out your true self. Then, the opinions of others won’t matter. After all, they only have as much value as passing gas in the wind.

Unconscious people (that would include most of them), treat others with criticism – usually the same criticisms that were aimed their way. Apply compassion…

Are you afraid of failure? ‘Failure’ is only a step that draws you closer to success. Without failure, there is no forward progress. It doesn’t mean that there is anything inherently wrong with you.

There is no perfect way of doing anything. You will experience far more freedom outside of the bondage of perfectionism, which is only a way of protecting yourself from failure, by ‘tinkering,’ instead of bringing your endeavors to completion.

Are you afraid of relationship? More fear of rejection. The only way to move beyond that fear, is to create an unconditional love relationship with God and with yourself. Then, people will be clamoring to have a relationship with you.

Are you afraid of dying? Only having a relationship with God can cure that. He’s got a good plan for you. You just have to get on board…

Are you afraid of what happens next (the unknown, change)? Other than God, there is no constant. Change is the only guarantee that we have. In fact, if not for change, (e.g. that which includes cellular growth and differentiation), there would be no life.

No one knows what is going to happen next. Even what you think works best in your life, will change. Neither do we have any control over the succession of life’s events.

Freedom manifests when we let go of the notion of being in control. We are a part of this changing universe, which makes every moment a gift with endless possibilities. It’s a chance to live in awe in this mysterious, divine chaos. Really, it’s all in God’s plan. He just has an order that we cannot always fathom. Yet, He orders it for out greater good.

It’s a love-filled journey for all who choose to remain awake, and to ‘let go’ again and again…

Regardless of what you are afraid of, those fears are only based upon unexamined beliefs from meanings that you made up as a child. Love and happiness cannot coexist with fear:

There is no fear in love [dread does not exist]. But perfect (complete, full-grown) love drives out fear, because fear involves [the expectation of divine] punishment, so the one who is afraid [of God’s judgment] is not perfected in love [has not grown into a sufficient understanding of God’s love]. 1 Jn. 4:18 AMP

Examine your fears and the strategies you support them with and see how they have kept you from living. Commit to not running. Face those false fears. Look at the lies that they are constructed from. Let go and live…

The LORD is my light and my salvation – so why should I be afraid? The LORD is my fortress, protecting me from danger, so why should I tremble? Ps. 27:1 NLT

10. Describe what you think the future holds. Are you waiting for a future where you finally get is all together? Guess what? No one ever gets it all together.

You position yourself to be gotten together, by walking in Jehovah’s ways, so that He can do that work:

…God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns. Phil. 1:6 NLT

We are a work in progress. Life on earth is a training ground. There is no goal. LIFE IS THE GOAL! It’s a journey where we put one spirit-led foot in front of the other, until our Savior brings us home.

If you are waiting for any kind of future, you are missing out on life, because it only happens in the present moment – not in some nebulous future.

Waiting for a happy future? Doesn’t exist. Happiness comes through engaging the present – making the decision to be happy, regardless of your circumstances.

Looking for love and acceptance in the future? God gave you those things the moment He thought you into being (Eph. 1:4). Regardless of what may have tarnished your past, Jehovah has redeemed you from it, with the cleansing blood of His Son…

11. What meaning(s) have you brought to life? Do you wake each day with gratitude and with an exuberant expectancy? Or, do you rise with wrenched guts and tears threatening to burst forth?

If it is the former, you are living consciously, engaged in healing, giving and loving. If you fall in the latter category, you’re living a life through filters enmeshed with the meanings of a wounded child within.

Don’t punish yourself. If your reading this, you deserve love and compassion for your courageous efforts to wake up…

12. Are you dissatisfied with life? Both your satisfaction or dissatisfaction with life hinges upon the meanings that you brought to the events in it.

This is not to downplay those real events that unhinged you and the subsequent grief, pain, misery, disappointment or shame you experienced. Regardless of the reality, or your imagined reality, of your life’s events, it is the meanings that you created around them, that determine your view of life and how you live it.

We can meditate over the reality that nothing in this earthly life is permanent. Look at those meanings and how you react to them. Let your feelings wash over you and dispense with empowering them; know that you made them and can just as easily construct new truth-based meanings of life that bring healing.

All situations have something to teach us. Committing to learning instead of running, helps us see our unworkable ‘stuff’ so that we can release it. As we meditate on these things, if we think we have come to the edge of a frightful abyss, that we’ve reached our limit, we can stop and breathe, and look at where our false beliefs come from.

If we jump into that abyss, we will find that we land on solid ground, in the present moment, with one more fear dissolved. But that can only happen if we keep our eyes wide open in the presence of our vexation and let go of trying to be in control.

‘Letting go’ allows us to be free to embrace life without fear. When we practice living at peace instead of indulging in drama and our knee-jerk reactions, life becomes manageable. Instead of sinking into suffering when we experience pain, we can offer ourselves love, compassion and kindness, as we question the need to cling to our meanings and the motivations behind them (desires, aggressions and denials).

Once we learn the lessons that life is presenting, it will stop haunting us. Often, those lessons push our ‘hot buttons.’ This is a wonderful opportunity to learn why we harbor them, to disqualify and eliminate more baseless beliefs.

Other than our relationship with God and ourselves, all things come and go. They are only on loan to us. So, we really can’t lose what wasn’t ours to begin with. Thus, we want to cherish our loved ones in the present moment and tap into their love-print on our heart when they are not. We are never alone, and true love never dies. Change is not loss; it is an opportunity for new possibilities…

13. What makes you angry? The answer is simple. It is the same things that make you afraid (see #9).

When you feel it manifest within you, stop and breathe. Look at what you are listening to in your head and how you are also getting angry with yourself. Defuse and replace the meanings behind that commotion, and practice forgiveness and acceptance for both you and the target of your anger (see Anger Kills).

14. What does everyone think about you?

15. What do you think is wrong with you?

16. Why don’t you accept yourself?

17. What secrets are you keeping?

18. What lies do you tell?

The answers to these questions have common roots. They stem from the things that you don’t accept about yourself, and the lies that you tell to conceal them. (By the way, you really don’t know what anyone thinks about you).

Your ‘unacceptable things’ are either something that you’ve done in the past that you’ve smothered with negative meanings, or, a negative belief that you took on as a child. The past cannot be changed. In your examination of these questions, it’s a good time to go to God for any necessary confessions and repentance:

He has not dealt with us as our sins deserve or repaid us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his faithful love toward those who fear him. As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. Ps. 103:10 – 12. CSB

So, let up on yourself…

19. How do you feel when someone thinks you are wrong?

20. What conflicts do you have in life?

21. How do you manipulate people?

25. List the dramas in your life.

Your answers reveal your unworkable actions and the consequences that you endure, i.e. your conflicts in life. Most conflicts occur within relationships, where they mirror the inner conflicts of those attempting to be related.

We think others make us wrong, but it is our response to an event that opened an old wound – damaged places where we think we are wrong.

Other conflicts arise when we try to manipulate others into being like us, so that we can justify our life strategies.

All our conflict-generating behaviors birth the dramas we experience in life. The dramas will cease when we get a clear picture of how we’ve been doing life and why. Then we can commit to thoughts and actions that create peace and love.

22. How do you listen in a conversation?

24. How do you avoid the present moment?

27. List your impulsive behaviors.

Conversation only occurs in the present moment. However, many people are afraid of the general unknowable-ness of the present moment, which they attempt to flee from, through impulsive behaviors: zoning out in media or indulging in addictions or busyness. This preoccupation destroys any ability to effectively communicate.

26. Who do you feel has abandoned you? (See again the answers to question# 12). You have no control over whether someone leaves you or not. However, you can examine the series of events that preceded that separation to see if you contributed to it.

If you did, without judgment, make the necessary corrections in your beliefs and behavior so that you don’t rinse and repeat. If you did not, it was a problem that your partner was having, and wasn’t willing or ready to resolve it with you -NOTHING PERSONAL!

28. What meanings do you bring to your emotions? Emotions are just thoughts with energy attached. They come and go against your will, so forget about trying to control them. Don’t hide them. Instead, choose how you act them out by changing how you relate to them, by shedding the meanings that you brought to them. Sit with the energy of your emotions, listen to the conversation in your head, and feel what your body is doing. Consider that you can do this emotion differently…

29. What do you cling to? That would be whatever you’re afraid of losing. Remember that all things are only on loan. The tighter you cling, the more time you lose, to enjoy it while you have it.

It’s far better to gently hold everything in the palm of an open hand, so that you can receive the blessing and then freely pass it on, to bless someone else. In so doing, your open hand is ready to receive again…

In the finality, a better life consists of thinking in a better way, by being your true self.

Next time, we’ll see how this good life all comes together…

Goodnight and God bless.

Digging in the Dirt 3

Last time, (see Digging in the Dirt 2), we examined the first 3 questions that you answered in your Discovery Journal (see Digging in the Dirt), as we delve into how you think, which is what manifests, for either good or bad, in your life.

Now, let’s continue to see what make you tick:

4. What is your Life Story?

Ask Jesus to help you look at the story that you concocted about your past and aid you in discerning the truthful and untruthful elements in it. Realize that that story was co-authored by you and that voice in your head. Thus, it must be riddled with lies.

Upon deep examination you’ll see that your Life Story is a plethora of unexamined beliefs, judgments and opinions, that you’ve attached to the events in your life. Out of that, you’ve made some people larger-than-life and have given them more power over you in your story, that they did not have. In addition, you live your life in a way that you think will protect you from what you thought your past taught you.

More than likely, you’ve also surrounded yourself with people who are suffering similarly, that can validate your Life Story and keep it alive. It’s your story that keeps you sad, by your habit of continually revisiting your regrets – making your present-time experience nil, because you live in your head, in your false, joyless and loveless past.

It doesn’t matter whether your past was horrific, or if you made it mean something horrific; the outcome is the same. And even if your story is riddled with falsehood, (it is), it’s the index that you use to guide you in life. It’s a no-win situation.

Trash that story, which can only be accomplished it you stay in the present moment and set aside what you think you know. Begin by refusing to worry about your future.

“Can any of you add one moment to his life span by worrying?” Mt. 6:27 CSB

Only the present time exists. The future is not real until it becomes a present moment. You can meditatively reflect upon why your mind is churning with anxious thoughts that might happen, (99% don’t).

Look at the root of all those thoughts, and you will only find lies. Let them go. Then, you will be fully open to experience any event, see how that feels, and let go of any meanings that you gave it.

Experiencing our experience teaches us compassion, as we realize that many people are at war in their heads.

There is no problem ‘out there;’ only life. There is nothing or no one that needs to change in order for you to have the life that you want. Happiness is an inside job. Practice giving love and compassion to yourself when you’ve fallen back into your story. Without judgment, return to the present moment. Be patient with yourself.

In the present moment, you have the power to choose the actions that lead to a perfect life as God designed for your perfect (Christ-forgiven) self. Leave written reminders everywhere to be present, let go of your expectations and be open to surprise.

God is in control. You are not. Life unfurls as God intended. Sit still with it, rather than run. Life is change. When you stop resisting that, you will find yourself automatically returning to the present. God is only thwarted, when you exercise your free will to stay faithful to your story – those lies that you’ve been telling yourself.

…he who breaths out lies shall perish. Pr. 19:9 ESV

Your Life Story is always present when you are experiencing negativity about anything. It means that you’ve dropped out of the present moment. Stop whatever you were doing and return to your meditative breath – peeling the layers away, a good thing.

Give up your Life Story and live…

5. Who is in your life? How do you want them to change?

Whom you choose to hang out with and whom you don’t, says a lot about you.

Deep down, our basic human need is to be loved and accepted for who we really are. Yet we rarely reveal our true selves. Thus, we sabotage ourselves – settling for others who are only attracted by our masks.

We pick ‘safe people,’ others like us, who won’t call us out on our unworkable life-strategies, because they are working a similar scheme. And you get to validate each other’s victimhood.

You can figure out how you are being by looking at your friends. If you see character flaws, you can be rest assured that they are the same flaws that you believe you have.

The solution to having loving, accepting, and healthily supportive people around you, is to let the real you come out to play, and see whom that attracts. You’ll be presently surprised. You may lose some of your present friends, and maybe that’s not such a bad thing.

But you’re stuck with your family, yes? Consider that they might be easier to be around if you would quit blaming them for how your life is turning out. They too have suffered the same generational brain drain as you have. Most of the time, they weren’t trying to be purposely disagreeable – only acting out their own hurts. Not personal. They only want the same love and acceptance that you do.

Your entire familial relations may change if they can also give up their survival strategies. Accept them for who they are what they are able to give in the moment. Examine how you’ve let them push your ‘hot buttons,’ and refuse to play on that level anymore. You will know that you did your best, and at the very least, the way that you relate to them will change for the better.

Let’s look at a toxic situation, where you truly had a malicious person in your life, but they are no longer in it, for whatever reason. You must still forgive them for your sake. They really did perpetrate a real hurt in you, leading to sadness and then suffering. You may even blame yourself for what they did – feeling hopeless, helpless and guilty. Your distorted ‘frame of reference’ will affect the way you look at everything.

Consider what kind of abuse could have caused your abuser to be so monstrous. Have compassion and forgiveness for them having to endure such a pain. Then, you will be able to get along with the business of life.

Forgive yourself. Maybe you aided your abuser, maybe not. Either way, you made the best decision at the time, with the tools that you had, to survive. If you could have seen a better way, you would have taken it.

Caveat! If you still have abusive people in your life, forgive them, but establish firm healthy boundaries so that they can no longer cause you harm. Accept that some people allow evil to fester within, and steer clear of them. You cannot change them; but you can pray for them – from afar.

Cover yourself with huge amounts of love and compassion if you see that you have allowed this evil to stay in your presence, because you were hoping some scraps of love and acceptance would be thrown your way. If that’s true, look deep, because it’s probably how you relate to everyone.

In which case, you’ve been trying to recreate the perfect friend or love in that toxic relationship. Just acknowledge it, move on, and quit punishing that person in the mirror.

When you give yourself that love and compassion and stay in the present moment, you will attract the kind of relationships that enhance those qualities in your life. As you recognize that only you are responsible for how your life turns out, you will be able to steer it on a much more loving course.

You will also be able to see what anyone is being or doing, which allows you to stand back from their toxic strategies and stop taking it personal. Your life will be toxic-free.

To answer the second half of this question, ‘How do you want people to change,’ if you refer to you answers in your journal, you will find that most of the changes are ones that you want to see in yourself. Ask yourself, ‘Do I need to make these changes?’ Why have I been running strategies in opposition to them?’

Drop the strategies, and the changes will happen by themselves…

6. Who have caused or continue to cause you pain?

7. Who have you chosen not to forgive?

8. Who are your enemies?

These 3 questions are a subset of question 5:

No one can cause you pain; you must choose to be hurt. (I’m not talking about actual abusers. However, if it is in your power to get away from them, and you’ve not done so, you need to examine yourself, to find out what your payoff is, for believing it’s worth the pain of remaining a victim.

Take a meditative look at the people who hurt you. Ask yourself, ‘How do I feel when I am around them? Do these feelings still have any validity in the present time? It might even be possible that your feelings are rooted in past events, and not related to this person at all.

If, after careful consideration, you still feel justified, look to see if you have earnestly communicated your hurt to the perpetrator. It’s possible they have no clue about your feelings because they are too deep into their own head. Apply compassion. They too have been wounded in life. Perhaps you can help them see something that they have not been conscious of.

For the despairing man there should be kindness from his friend… Job 6:14 NASB

Those you have chosen not to forgive are those with whom you have a pain response. Ultimately, whatever they have done, you must forgive them as God forgives you (Mt. 6:14). It doesn’t mean that you have to like them or have them in your proximity. But if you don’t forgive, you lock hate and bitterness inside, eating away at you like a cancer. You will even hate yourself for hating.

Every human problem is rooted in a lack of love for oneself. You must expel all forms of hate from your heart.

Your enemies are the same people whom you perceive have caused your pain, and that you’ve chosen not to forgive. You cannot afford to have enemies. Jesus told us to love our enemies (Mt. 5:44).

Begin by loving the person you’ve made the biggest enemy out of – yourself! Then you can radiate love outwards. We were put on this earth to have unconditional love for God, ourselves and everyone else. Acceptance always follows unconditional love.

A friend loves at all times… Pr. 17:17

When you become your own best friend, your world will be filled with friends, and ‘enemy’ will be a forgotten word. To be continued…

Goodnight and God bless

Digging in the Dirt 2

Last time, (see Digging in the Dirt), you were provided with answers for dealing with your unique mental critic – to defuse it, so that it can no longer drive your life. You were also given a series of questions to answer to reveal how you are living your life, finding out how you shaped it.

You think it’s easier to put your finger on the trouble,

When the trouble is you.

And you think it’s easier to know your own tricks,

Well, it’s the hardest thing you’ll ever do.

Somebody stepped inside your soul,

Little by little they robbed and stole,

Till somebody else was in control.

The Troubles by U2.

Now, we are going to examine the answers that you wrote in your Discovery Journal. If we can see how we think and act, we can understand why our pattern of living brings us the kind of life that we have. Then, we can replace the unworkable facets of that pattern, with ‘God strategies’ that make for a much better life.

In essence, we are discovering the pattern that separates you from God. Otherwise, your life would be working out just fine.

So, let’s examine your answers in detail. Obviously, you have certain distinctions to your own answers, (names, places, dates, etc.), but how you were affected, has universal overtones…

1. What is it about other people’s behavior that bothers you? Is it ungratefulness, jealousy, anger, hatefulness, or indifference? Notice what kind of hurt, resistance or emotion that you attach to these behaviors. Look to see if you practice similar behavior as well. (Try writing out a sentence identifying what you don’t like when ‘so and so’ does _____. Then replace ‘so and so’ with your name and see how that fits). We tend to reject in others what we don’t like in ourselves.

People who irritate us can be some of our greatest teachers, with regards to helping us recognize our own denial and avoidance strategies. Ask yourself why you choose to have these conflicts in your life. Look at what you can learn from them.

Examine what beliefs you may have, that incubate these experiences. Look at when you have engaged in similar behavior and ask yourself why you did it (or still do). Assess what damage that has wrought, forgive yourself and change horses.

Hold those people with seemingly abhorrent behaviors in loving and compassionate thoughts, because they have suffered equally as you, wrapped up in their own pain. What another person does is rarely personal. Forgive them so that you don’t carry the toxicity of judgment in your heart.

List the things that you appreciate about those people and tell them! When you offer love, acceptance, kindness and appreciation, you will receive likewise. Forget about the past and see them as if you are meeting them for the first time and drop all of your previous expectations.

Commit to breaking down any barriers between you and others. Give up the need to be ‘right,’ so that you can communicate with greater clarity. Be open to working through any hurts together.

If one member suffers, all suffer together… 1 Cor. 12:26 ESV

Be aware that even when we are doing our best to promote our healing, sometimes other people’s ‘stuff’ may trigger our ‘stuff.’ Instead of letting conflict manifest, look at those encounters as an opportunity to rise to a new level of understanding and compassion.

When we blame others, we’re only trying to protect our wounds. Take those wounds to Christ in meditation for healing.

Is anyone among you suffering? Then he must pray. Jas. 5:13 NASB

In your conflicts, ask yourself, ‘Why am I hurt? What meaning did I bring to this event? How has it cost me to keep reliving it? What would my life look like, if I recognized that that old hurt is no longer valid?

Choose to be consciously present, instead of running when your old hurts show up. Avoiding suffering only guarantees its persistence. When you see how you do suffering, and what that feels like, you can have a greater compassion for everyone who does suffering…

2. What keeps you from being happy? The answer in a nutshell, is you. Your unhappiness stems from your obsession with your Life Story. That’s the space where you made yourself a victim, declared your powerlessness, and where you wait for someone or something to save you.

How could you possibly be happy, when you don’t give yourself love, compassion, kindness or respect? You’re dissatisfied with yourself, others and life itself. You punish yourself for flaws you’ve never had, and you’ve created a litany of impossible conditions to meet before you think you can be happy.

Again, look deeply into the ‘whys’ of your behaviors, e.g. ‘Why and when did I formulate these thoughts? Are they really true? What are they costing me? How would my life be if I didn’t have them?’ You must change your thinking!

You can be happy at any moment. It is a choice. But first, take responsibility for where you are at in life, and acknowledge that given your present direction, you aren’t experiencing it. Ask yourself, ‘Where am I? How did I get to this point? What can I learn from this? What is possible?’

The past is gone; the future is unknowable. Happiness, like life, only lives in the present moment. Put up notes around the house to remind you to choose to be happy. Jump into the present moment; it’s the only moment you have.

Reach inside and touch that child within you that still suffers from his or her wounds and give unconditional love and acceptance to disarm those events. Shower yourself with kindness and respect, knowing that you deserve it all. There is nothing wrong with you. Never was. Be your own best friend and lover.

Commit to living in reality – seeing what is real and living by the truth (God’s ways). There is no happiness in wanting life to be other than it is. You were born complete and whole. Bolster your life by sharing yourself.

With love comes extreme happiness…

So go ahead. Eat your food with joy, and drink your wine with a happy heart, for God approves of this! Eccl. 9:7 NLT

In the day of prosperity be happy, but in the day of adversity consider – God has made the one as well as the other… Eccl. 7:14 NASB

Happy is he who has no reason to condemn himself for what he approves. Rm. 14:22 AMP

3. What causes you sadness? Sadness is a normal emotion, usually preceded by loss. We grieve over the loss of a favorite thing, a pet, or a loved one – dealt to us by death, absence, or abandonment. Life always changes, as do the players and playthings we share our life with. It in the natural progression of things.

‘Being sad’ is what we do when we contemplate how that loss has affected us. It’s how we are wired. It’s natural to grieve and then get over it. Pray for insight. You will see that sadness is a way that lets you know that you have a hurt that needs to be healed. When you recognize the hurt, you can bring that to Jesus for healing.

However, if you dwell on / cling to your sadness, it morphs into ‘suffering,’ and your life begins to bleed out of you. All suffering is only based upon your opinions. The only way to get suffering out of your world, is to get it out of you.

If you have already manufactured your suffering, pray in your mediation for Jesus’ help to see how you do suffering. Look at what heavy meanings you’ve attached to your sadness. Ask yourself if there is any validity to those meanings (usually not) and let them go.

Sadness is only an emotion – a burst of energy with a physical sensation attached. Any other meaning that you attach to your sadness, is meaningless. No reason to add suffering. Just acknowledge your sadness and choose not to make yourself, others or the world wrong, because you feel that way.

And don’t forget to comfort yourself. Meet Jesus in a meditative fashion, with prayer, acknowledging that this is one of those moments where you need to give yourself more love and compassion. Ask yourself, ‘Why am I sad?’ See if your reasons are valid. Ask Christ to reveal anything you might be suppressing or denying, so that you can scrutinize those as well.

Common causes of sadness include: I lost my car, dog, spouse, child, etc., (regardless of the reason why)). It’s okay to be sad over these reasons. We must grieve and then move on, because life is always changing, so there will always be loss.

But think about this: in most cases, it’s not a thing or a person who brings you joy. It’s the change in the state of your heart that they elicit, when they are in your presence. Your heart makes a joy-filled imprint of that state, so that you can reach inside and touch that joy at any time. Nothing really leaves you.

Coming out of sadness is accomplished by reframing your thinking, by tapping into your heart more than your head. It’s about changing your focus from ‘They’re gone from my life forever!’ to ‘I’ve been so blessed to have had them in my life, and to be able to hold onto the treasures they’ve deposited in my heart forevermore.’

Another common cause of sadness comes from poor self-talk, e.g. ‘I’ve done horrible things; I’m a horrible person.’ Maybe you have done horrible things. The answer is always to confess and repent. If God forgives you, how can you dare to hold your forgiven sin against yourself.

Whatever you did, you were preoccupied with an illusion of what you thought you had to engage in, to survive life. Everyone has committed transgressions that they wish they had not. We need to stay alert to the moments when it is necessary to make ‘course corrections,’ when we have slipped back into the world.

We can only sally forth and give life our best effort without being anxious about whether it is perfect. When you suffer, acknowledge that you are holding onto something. Question why that is, and if it is wise to (Not!). Let it go.

Keep giving yourself unconditional love and compassion, and your suffering will give way to joy. Then, go and do the same for others. Nothing gets rid of suffering more effectively than helping others get rid of theirs.

Another common cause of suffering is being tethered to the past, e.g. ‘I had a horrible past.’ This comes from your Life Story, which we will examine next time…

A joyful heart makes a face cheerful, but a sad heart produces a broken spirit. Pr. 15:13 CSB

Goodnight and God bless.

Digging in the Dirt

Something in me, dark and sticky 

All the time it’s getting strong 

No way of dealing with this feeling 

Can’t go on like this too long

Digging in the dirt 

Stay with me,

I need support

I’m digging in the dirt 

To find the places I got hurt 

Open up the places I got hurt

The more I look, the more I find 

As I close on in, I get so blind

Digging in the Dirt by Peter Gabriel

Hopefully, over the last week, you kept a Voice Journal, to write down everything that inner critic blasted you with (see Letting Go of the Mask 3). If you did not, it just means that you are more dedicated to preserving your misery. No judgment, but extremely unhealthy.

If you did keep your journal, God bless you for beginning to get a handle on reality.

Allow me to elucidate what your journal most likely revealed to you – because although your personal history and your ego will have some unique nuances, the human experience shares a vast common thread.

You will have discovered that voice in your head for what it is – a vicious, uncaring, unloving and narcissistic entity (your ego), that assaults your God-given perfection, by distorting your perception of yourself, of others, and of the world around you.

In its wake, it leaves you with a vision of a raw, fear-filled, ugliness that you have been perceiving to be your reality, your experience of life. This vision is your greatest enemy, even though it is not real. Yet, your reactions to it are…

For as he thinks within himself, so he is. Pr. 23:7 NAS

Examine each lie in your journal that supports your false worldview. Scrutinize them in your meditations. See how that voice wants you to believe that you are inept at everything, how it slanders you and how it declares your unworthiness for being in relationships.

The only thing it wants you related to, is itself.

Observe what it says, without believing anything. Your Voice Journal illuminates the patterns of its strategies – how it both overtly and covertly maneuvers you towards suffering. Once recognized, the chains that shackle you with knee-jerk reactions, will begin to break away.

Just notice. Don’t engage in battle, (God will do the work). Don’t look for it to change; it can’t. However, you can neutralize your reactions to it, which renders that nasty voice impotent.

Remember your tools, (meditation, steadfast awareness, inquisitiveness, and action; see (Letting Go of the Mask), and (Letting Go of the Mask 2). As you meditate on the lies that you hear, answer every accusation this satanic voice spews, with the power of your questions: ‘Is that so?’ ‘Who says so?’ ‘Is that really true?’ ‘Can you show me the monster that I am?’ (It can’t, because it doesn’t exist – never did).

Ask yourself, ‘Where did this opinion that I have of myself, come from?’ (Ego, duh!) ‘What has that belief cost me – physically, spiritually and emotionally, and what collateral damage resulted?’ ‘How would my life be, if I did not have this belief, but instead focused my faith on who Jehovah God tells me I am?’

Your spirit will immediately resonate with you, because only it possesses the truth that you seek.

Turn the tables on that malicious voice, by replacing its criticisms with exhortations, e.g. ‘I am worthy and lovable.’ And of course, you are. God created you to be one-of-a-kind. When you believe in truth, love shows up; and the inner critic cannot stand up to love. Every time you choose truth, the voice loses ground.

You only have one judge, (Jesus Christ), and He loves you unconditionally:

“…I did not come to judge the world but to save the world.” Jn. 12:47 CSB

Remember, the voice is devious. It will hammer you with a little truth about something that you did, an act that didn’t support your highest and best life. Instead of reverting to your old behavior, (blaming and shaming yourself, and shrinking into a ball of isolation), just acknowledge (confess) your transgression:

‘Yes, that was an unworkable act. I’m forgiving myself now and forevermore. I will act differently for my greater good. I deserve compassion and kindness for acting out my unconscious suffering, not eternal torment. The punishment stops now. I’m letting go of my desire to punish myself. I would rather be free in the blood of Jesus.’

Always ask yourself, ‘What is real, true and important in this moment?’ I guarantee you that it won’t be anything that that voice has to say. There is freedom on the other side. When you remove your faith in the reality of the thing that you constructed in your head, your new and final relationship with it, will only be one of indifference. Meditate on these:

When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. 1 Cor. 13:11 NLT

We are human, but we don’t wage war as humans do. We use God’s mighty weapons, not worldly weapons, to knock down the strongholds of human reasoning and to destroy false arguments. We destroy every proud obstacle that keeps people from knowing God. We capture their rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ. 2 Cor. 10:3 – 5. NLT

During these healing meditations, you will find that very few things that you believed in, were really what you thought they were; and that will be a good thing…

Step two of your path to freedom requires that you dig up some dirt: The Discovery Journal

Assuming that you participated with step one, (the Voice Journal), you will have rendered that voice in your head impotent, with regards to doing any further damage. However, while it was on the loose, it planted seeds in your soul, that sprouted malevolent weeds, which constitute your heretofore stratagems for living, (and we’ve seen how that’s worked out).

It’s time to start digging in the dirt, to ‘weed’ your garden…

Take out a new notebook and answer the questions that follow. Your answers will reveal why you do what you do. Pray for true discernment. Sit down without distractions and write your answers down fast and furiously. That will be your heart at work. The more ‘thinking’ that you do, the more your ‘conditioned’ lies show up as answers.

Don’t change those answers! Read them over only one more time, and then add anything that quickly comes up, and then leave them alone! Your answers will reveal how you do life. Once you see that, you can replace what doesn’t work with what does – God’s strategies.

DO NOT JUDGE YOURSELF FOR ANY OF YOUR ANSWERS! THEY ONLY CONSTITUTE A PICTURE OF WHAT YOU THOUGHT YOU NEEDED TO DO TO SURVIVE…

What is it about other people’s behavior that bothers you?
What are the things that keep you from being happy?
What makes you sad?
Describe your Life Story – from your earliest recollection to the present day.
List your ‘life-altering’ events – what happened, who was with you when it did, and what they and you did or didn’t do.
What meanings did you give to these events and how did that change your life?
Who do you enlist to help keep these ‘life changes’ in perpetuity; and how do you do that with them?
Name all of the people in your social and family circles. Describe your relationship with each of them, and how you would like these people to change.
List all the people whom you believe have or still are causing you pain.
List all of the people (don’t forget yourself) that you’ve chosen not to forgive.
Who are your enemies?
List your worries and what you are afraid of if they should come to pass.
List (in sequence), all your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations you experience, and the actions you take before each worry is full-blown.
What do you think your future holds for you?
What are the overall meanings do you bring to your life?
List your dissatisfactions in life? In what areas? Why are you dissatisfied?
What makes you angry?
What do you think each person you know thinks about you?
What things do you think are wrong about you; and how do you punish yourself and others who have these supposed faults?
What don’t you accept about yourself?
What secrets are you keeping?
What lies do you tell?
How do you feel when someone thinks you are wrong?
What conflicts are you having with things or people in your life?
How do you try to manipulate people into believing certain things about you?
What are the beliefs that you want them to have?
Is this a way that you try to control them?
How do you listen in conversation; how effective is your communication?
What are your fears? How do you react to them? How do you avoid them?
How do you run away from the present moment?
List the repetitive dramas in your life.
Who has abandoned you?
List your impulsive behaviors, including addictions.
What is the nature of the relief they bring?
What does your indulgence in them cost you?
What are the emotions that upset you? What happens just before and during your experience?
What and whom do your cling to?

Don’t dally with this list! Be brutally honest with yourself. Your rewards will be immense.

We’ll tackle your answers next week.

COMPLETE THESE QUESTIONS BEFORE NEXT WEEK! OTHERWISE, YOU ARE JUST MASSAGING YOUR MIND, AND YOUR LIFE WILL REMAIN THE SAME…

Goodnight and God bless.

digging in the dirt

Regardless of what you are afraid of, those fears are only based upon unexamined beliefs from meanings that you made up as a child. Love and happiness cannot coexist with fear:

If you are waiting for any kind of future, you are missing out on life, because it only happens in the present moment – not in some nebulous future.

Ask Jesus to help you look at the story that you concocted about your past and aid you in discerning the truthful and untruthful elements in it. Realize that that story was co-authored by you and that voice in your head. Thus, it must be riddled with lies.

It doesn’t matter whether your past was horrific, or if you made it mean something horrific; the outcome is the same. And even if your story is riddled with falsehood, (it is), it’s the index that you use to guide you in life. It’s a no-win situation.

“Can any of you add one moment to his life span by worrying?” Mt. 6:27 CSB

Look at the root of all those thoughts, and you will only find lies. Let them go. Then, you will be fully open to experience any event, see how that feels, and let go of any meanings that you gave it.

Experiencing our experience teaches us compassion, as we realize that many people are at war in their heads.

You will have discovered that voice in your head for what it is – a vicious, uncaring, unloving and narcissistic entity (your ego), that assaults your God-given perfection, by distorting your perception of yourself, of others, and of the world around you.

Step two of your path to freedom requires that you dig up some dirt: The Discovery Journal

Discover more

Archives