All relationships that dissatisfy don’t have God in the mix. We’ll get back to that…
In the last post, we looked how the world molds us to our detriment, when we don’t include God in our life (see Rejecting God Leads to Broken Relationships).
When that happens, we take on the same sad, dejected mantle that is worn by those on an exclusively worldly path. We saw that the end result was a broken soul who can’t relate – always looking for love ‘out there.’
However, we cannot get anything from anyone else unless we are first willing to provide it for ourselves. It is not possible for someone else to alter the experience that we have created of ourselves.
That experiential change must come from the inside; and the biggest change that we must bring is ‘self-acceptance.’ We will never feel love and acceptance from others until we know how that feels for ourselves.
Otherwise, we will continue to attract people who run the same unworkable schemes that we do, to hide from life. If you have two false self-images come together, each obsessed with getting something, how will you ever find satisfaction?
Yet, we stay on the hunt for that imaginary ‘fix,’ even in the face of the fear that we harbor of being rejected. Because of our experiences with unsatisfying relationships, we tend to equate relationship with pain; and it is human nature to avoid pain.
Love cannot coexist with fear (1 Jn. 4:18).
So, let us return to our original premise: we cannot have a truly satisfying relationship without God in it. And if He is not, it’s because we are hiding from Him – generally due to a mistaken belief we have taken on, that says we are somehow unlovable or unacceptable.
There is no one unacceptable in Jehovah’s eyes, and He cherishes everyone.
Unfortunately, there are a lot of people who don’t know that, and they remain miserable because of the lies they’ve ingrained within. To try to cope, they immerse themselves in religiosity, empty busyness, addictions or self-improvement.
Loneliness however, brings its own measure of pain. When that pain is no longer tolerable, the affected one will furiously seek for scraps of love, but with a marred strategy. One of these broken tactics is to become a ‘people pleaser.’
They are always giving all they’ve got, hoping the other will read his or her mind and love her just the way that she needs. So, they give, but they rarely get.
Another stratagem is to throw caution to the wind and settle on anyone, even if a multitude of red flags are present. They stop trying to choose who is good for them and just gamble on winning even a mustard seed’s worth of love. As a result, their life is filled with bad actors; but at this point, they will endure punishment, shame or condemnation so as not to suffer abandonment.
The last of these aberrant solutions is to hunt for the ‘One.’ You know who that is – the one who is without flaws and knows how to love you perfectly the way you need it. A human savior. Good luck with that.
If you loved yourself, you would attract love. But when you hunt, your desperation is palpable. The only people you will attract are other hunters. Even if you think you have found the One, that voice in your head will say he or she is not, because that would lead to ego’s demise.
Regardless of which strategy is used, the pattern is always the same. They are attracted to people who suffer similarly. In that initial rush of attraction, they discount any warning signs, and jump in blindly, to try to fill that vacancy within. They let down their walls, giddy in love with the prospect of being in love – concentrating on their similarities.
With time, their differences begin to manifest, which become barriers to each other’s agenda. Instead of seeing how these dissimilarities might be blended into a higher life experience, each makes the other wrong for having them.
You become upset, trying to figure out why this same problem keeps showing up in your relationships. This is where judgment rears its ugly head in self-righteousness. You make your partner wrong; but what’s wrong with them is suspiciously the same thing that you don’t accept about yourself.
YOUR PARTNER IS NOT THE PROBLEM! God brings everyone in your circle to you to teach you something.
Safety and trust are lost. Resentment builds, and they each feel like the victim. Withholding love, hate speech or distancing is the result. Each begins to see the other as the enemy; and either they will anesthetize themselves and remain in the toxic relationship, or they walk away to rinse and repeat.
The only way that a healthy nurturing relationship can be attained, is by making a continuing choice to be related, bringing our love and compassion to it, live out a commitment to be present to our partner, and stay awake to whatever life brings.
This is hard for many, because their focus is locked only on their own needs. Instead of creating empathy, compassion, love and understanding, they bring self-defense and control.
God never planned for anyone’s life to be lived like this; and it doesn’t matter what mistakes / sins you have committed. He wants to make all things right with you:
…for the LORD your God is gracious and merciful, and will not turn His face from you if you return to Him. 2 Chr. 30:9 NKJV
The LORD preserves all who love Him… Ps. 145:20 NKJV
[For the Son of Man has come to save that which was lost.] Mt. 18:11 AMP
You delight Jehovah God and Jesus Christ when you return to Him. He will set you in right relationships. You are a work of divine progress:
For the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. So all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord – who is the Spirit – makes us more like him as we are changed into his glorious image. 2 Cor. 3:18 NLT
God has got someone for everyone (Gn. 2:18; Mk. 10:7 – 9.); but you have to invite Him into your heart and in to your relationships. Otherwise, you will live as most of the world lives:
Your life becomes ruled by anxiety over whether you are being the right way or doing the right thing that will bring you the love and approval you so desperately seek. Your ego feeds off of your anxiety to keep you off balance with its accusations of your supposedly flawed nature – that must never be exposed for fear of rejection.
In the end, you are resisting a life that you have filled with false meanings – trying to solve problems that you never had. When you go ‘out there’ to find love, your project your inner turmoil onto others by way of judgment; and you do unto others before they can do unto you.
You switch relationships, jobs, and or geography, looking for relief. The first relationship you throw away is with God – assured that He would not accept you in your sorry state. Never true!
He has not dealt with us according to our sins [as we deserve], nor rewarded us [with punishment] according to our wickedness. For as the heavens are high above the earth, so great is His lovingkindness toward those who fear and worship Him [with awe-filled respect and deepest reverence]. Ps. 103:10, 11. AMP
Your sorry state is just a lie that you decided was real. Who God made you to be is awesome:
For you formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother’s womb. I will give thanks to you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; wonderful are your works, and my soul knows it very well. Ps. 139:14 NASB
God granted you a free will that He will not violate. Thus, you are not going to get out of your mess until you ask Him for help. Jehovah will show you the way; but again, you must exercise your free will to obey Him moment by moment. If you could have fixed your problems, you would done so a long time ago.
It’s time that you got God on your team:
The LORD directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the LORD holds them by the hand…They have made God’s law their own, so they will never slip from his path. Ps. 37:23, 24 & 31. NLT
As a child, your worldly indoctrination knocked you off of your path. Only God can help you get back on it. If you stay with Him on a moment-by-moment basis, the world cannot break down your door.
Okay, we’ve seen many of the ways that the world infects us, what problems arise from that infection, why our relationships dissatisfy, and how God is the solution.
What part do we play? Next time…
Goodnight and God bless.