Over the last four months, we have been looking at what makes us tick – how we were subjected to a generational familial indoctrination, made more caustic by the brainwashing we suffered from the media and governmental entities.
In that environment, many have lost their authentic self, trading it for a mental construct, a mask, that they hope others will accept and love. In that state, they find themselves solitary or in a toxic relationship, anxious, triggered and self-loathing.
This all comes from believing in the satanic dogma that we have let take residence in our heads.
In the last of these four months, we’ve been learning how we can get delivered from all that refuse. That includes acknowledging our problem, thanking God for gracing us with the awareness that we can make a choice to be different (with His help) – so that we don’t have to live the way we have.
That path involves establishing a new loving relationship with Jehovah and yourself – one filled with compassion, kindness and acceptance (see Climbing Out of the Shell). We have also looked at how to drop that past and forget about the future, living only in the present moment, where God lives and where true life happens (see Climbing Out of the Shell 2).
We have also learned how to slay all of our fears so that we can be present to life, to have inner peace, and be free, knowing that we are invulnerable in God, through Christ (see Fear No More).
Lastly, we discovered that God equips us for having a great life. Also, we realized that we have always been perfect the way He made us – lovable and acceptable. We determined that life was all about change, so as to present an endless string of new possibilities. To grab ahold of them, we saw a way to have a great non-resistant relationship with change.
If we bring all these things to bear in our lives, we can finally be free to be our authentic selves – children of God, wading in His glory, living as He intended and taking back our birthright (see Do You Know Who You Are?).
Well, if we are living in present time, rich in love and compassion, we can be in a place where we can exhort and exalt one another with our loving speech (see Being Wise – part 4 and Communication Breakdown).
Our primary tool for communication is language. In fact, you cannot think of anything without putting a word to it. All reality is based in language. Coming from the mouth of an authentic self, communication becomes a tool of limitless loving creativity.
No longer is our way of relating based upon that old broken picture that we had of ourselves. We don’t need postures of defense anymore. Instead, we look for ways to speak that contribute to others and ourselves.
To facilitate that, we speak in a heavenly manner: soaked with kindness, love and compassion. After all, our ability to communicate is a gift from God:
“Who makes a person’s mouth? Who decides whether people speak or do not speak, hear or do not hear, see or do not see? Is it not I, the LORD?” Ex. 4:11 NLT
So, if we speak, we have the gift. However, we cannot give this love to others until we first give it to ourselves in our self-talk. Without that intimate experience, we are at a loss because we cannot give what we do not have. When we familiarize ourselves with the nature of these gifts, we will be able to send them out from the heart. In fact, we will have a loving unction to do so.
As a result, (and because we get in the habit of checking the content of our words before we utter them), we stay in the present moment and frame our speech in love, gratitude and possibility:
The heart of the godly thinks carefully before speaking… Pr. 15:28 NLT
“As surely as the LORD lives, I will say only what the LORD tells me to say.” 1 Kin. 22:14 NLT
When you bring love to the conversation, you can stop defending your position and remove any penchant for having to be right. Most people would rather be right than happy. Crazy.
Avoid people that you used to complain to, because they are inadvertently drawing you back into your old, masked self. Indeed, stop complaining altogether. Sit still with your complaints, look to see what it is that you are doing or not doing to have these things in your life. Ask yourself, ‘Why would I be manifesting this in my life?’ ‘What is my payoff?’
If any problem comes up in your communication, ask yourself, ‘How can I help myself and others to get past this hurt?’ ‘How can I communicate more clearly?’ Commit to removing anything that separates you from others. Start by feeling good about yourself so that you can project those feelings onto everybody else.
A soothing tongue [speaking words that build up and encourage] is a tree of life… Pr. 15:4 AMP
Don’t avoid difficult people. Everyone has worth. Drop your expectations and practice kindness. Most people you don’t like, are those who won’t endorse your mask. (You’ve taken that off by now, yes?) In fact, ‘difficult people are gifts to you because they bring out the schemes that you’re running, which hinders your growth.
Tell the truth. Do what you say you will do. Life only works to the degree in which you align with your word, i.e., how well you practice your integrity. The amount of integrity you have is directly proportional to how much love you have for yourself:
Truthful lips endure forever… Pr. 12:19 CSB
“You shall be careful to perform what goes out of your lips…” Dt. 23:23 NASB
Remember, we do have a human side that errs from time to time. We all fall out of integrity and break agreements. Instead of listening to that ‘friend’ in your head try to excoriate you for your transgression, acknowledge that you broke a commitment, (without judging yourself), and make the necessary corrections to recommit to your agreement.
Every time you keep a commitment, your ability to stay in integrity gathers strength, as well as your confidence.
You can also help others when they fall out. If you let them slide, you are showing disrespect. They know that they are out of integrity and are ashamed in the face of your enablement. They will ultimately resent you because of you remind them how they feel about themselves.
When we speak from love, it is our responsibility to share the truth, gently, yet giving no thought as to how it might be received or whether we might be rejected for doing so. Integrity demands that we speak with irreproachable honesty about how we feel and how we perceive what is happening in every moment.
Those who hunger for truth will walk with you through whatever obstacle might be present. People crave authentic communication. Give it to them. What they do with it, is beyond your control.
When listening in a conversation, listen to what is so, i.e., the perceived truth of the speaker. Remember that what they say is rarely personal. It’s only a reflection of where they are in that present moment. You needn’t be fearful. Utilize ‘reflective listening,’ parroting back to the speaker what you think they said, and what you thought it meant. Real communication begins when you realize that you really don’t know what’s true for another person. So, listen first and then seek clarification.
For example, let’s say someone has a problem with you; instead of erecting walls of defense, ask them, ‘What is it about my ___ that is a problem for you?’ For additional clarity, ask, ‘Please give me a little more information about how my ___ disturbs you.’
In any communication breakdown, look for what’s missing, not what’s wrong, and be willing to change your approach. Keep the conversation in the present moment, (where you and your audience can be co-creators of something new and meaningful), rather than sifting through your opinions of the past to find the answers, to questions that haven’t been asked.
If you spread the love, kindness and compassion that you give yourself, you will know that you are doing your best. That’s all that God asks of us.
You will no longer have to defend yourself, to be right, to complain or blame. You and those you choose to communicate with, can exhort and exalt one another, looking past your histories, and inspire each other to be their true selves…
Goodnight and God bless.