How to Be a Good Parent
Right and Wrong Relationships
God loved King David. He called him a ‘man after His own heart’ (1 Sam. 13:14). Jehovah established his throne and united Israel under his rule. Furthermore, He granted David an eternal dynasty:
“…the LORD declares that he will make a house for you – a dynasty of kings!…Your house and your kingdom will continue before me for all time, and your throne will be secure forever.” 2 Sam. 7:11 & 16. NLT
There is no physical house / throne that will last forever. God is referring to the eternal kingdom of Jesus Christ, whose earthly body will be birthed from the lineage of King David. The favor of God continued to follow him…
Outside of Jesus however, there is no one who is above falling down. On a warm spring evening, King David decided to cool off on his rooftop, (He was married to Saul’s daughter at this time). Looking out over the rooftops, he sees a beautiful woman bathing on hers.
Filled with lust, he has her (who is also married) brought to him for an adulterous tryst. The woman, Bathsheba, was subsequently impregnated. King David had her soldier husband sent to the front lines of battle, whereupon David knew that he would lose his life. Then, he married Bathsheba – definitely a wrong relationship. This did not get by Jehovah:
But the thing that David had done [with Bathsheba] was evil in the sight of the LORD. 2 Sam. 11:27 AMP
God then sent his prophet Nathan, to let David know his deed is known, and to deliver His penalty. Nathan said that David’s house would be troubled for the remainder of his days and that the deed he had hoped to keep secret, would be played out in public.
(Indeed, David and Bathsheba’s first child was taken by sickness – leading to death. One of his subsequent sons rapes his half-sister, and the half-sister’s brother takes the rapist’s life in vengeance. That same son publicly commits adultery with one of King David’s wives, and also lays a plot to kill his father, but dies himself in the attempt.)
King David confesses and repents, and God forgives him…
Obviously, adultery is injurious (not to mention murder, in David’s case) to relationships. God gave us guidelines for having right relationships; and anything outside of those standards must be considered wrong relationships.
Let’s begin by examining how to have our first conscious right relationship – the one with our parents:
“Honor (respect, obey, care for) your father and your mother, so that your days may be prolonged in the land that the LORD your God gives you.” Ex. 20:12 AMP
This is the fifth of the Ten Commandments and is the only one of them that offers you a blessing of long life when you obey it.
God also has designs for the right relationship of marriage. After all, He invented it:
“Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” Mk. 10:7 – 9. ESV
…among the Lord’s people, women are not independent of men, and men are not independent of women. For although the first woman came from man, every other man was born of a woman, and everything comes from God. 1 Cor. 11:11, 12. NLT
Thus, we see that marriage is between a man and a woman; and with the exception of unrepentant adultery, abuse, or abandonment, it is meant to be a life-long relationship of equality and interdependence.
“…marriage is a gift from God- it is a gift that God bestows on human beings as His servants – and secondly, that marriage is for God – it is a gift to be used for God’s service and the service of His kingdom.” William J.U. Philip: Aspects of Love
The husband is blessed from God through his wife:
A virtuous and excellent wife [worthy of honor] is the crown of her husband… Pr. 12:4 AMP
He who finds a [true and faithful] wife finds a good thing and obtains favor and approval from the Lord. Pr. 18:22 AMP
Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies. Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. Pr. 31:10 – 12. NLT
Both the husband and wife have a heavenly mandate to live together interdependently, but with distinct established roles:
Wives be subject to your husbands [out of respect for their position as protector, and their accountability to God], as is proper and fitting in the Lord. Husbands love your wives [with an affectionate, sympathetic, selfless love that always seeks the best for them] and do not be embittered or resentful toward them [because of the responsibilities of marriage]. Col. 3:18, 19. AMP
What then about how the marriage serves the kingdom of God?
And did not God make [you and your wife] one [flesh]? Did not One make you and preserve your spirit alive? And why [did God make you two] one? Because He sought godly offspring [from your union]. Therefore take heed to yourselves and let no one deal treacherously and be faithless to the wife of his youth. Mal. 2:15 AMPC
This is a two-fold command: to have children, and to keep the marriage solvent. The children are to cover the earth, to fill God’s paradise, to be a good steward of it, to be a blessing to their family, to become children of God, and to repeat the cycle.
Your wife will be like a fruitful grapevine, flourishing within your home. Your children will be like vigorous young olive trees as they sit around your table. That is the LORD’s blessing for those who fear (revere) him. Ps. 128:3, 4. NLT
Behold, children are a gift from the LORD, the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth. How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them… Ps. 127:3 – 5. NASB
Like any other blessing from God, the responsibility of good stewardship accompanies raising children:
Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it. Pr. 22:6 NLT
For he issued his laws to Jacob; he gave his instructions to Israel. He commanded our ancestors to teach them to their children, so the next generation might know them – even the children not yet born – and they in turn will teach their own children. So each generation should set its hope anew on God, not forgetting his glorious miracles and obeying his commands. Ps. 78:5 – 7. NLT
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger [do not exasperate them to the point of resentment with demands that are trivial or unreasonable or humiliating or abusive; nor by showing favoritism or indifference to any of them], but bring them up [tenderly with lovingkindness] in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Eph. 6:4 AMP
Our mandate as Christians, is to teach our children about God, who He is, what He’s done through Christ, what He is still doing, and how they must behave to secure their heavenly hope, as well as spreading the gospel to their own children.
You see that God has singled out the fathers in the third scripture. This is not to diminish the mother’s influence in their children’s upbringing, but to point to the father’s tendency to be sterner in their discipline.
However, the family doesn’t flourish unless the marriage flourishes. More to come…
Goodnight and God bless.
What Are We Teaching Our Children?
We will always keep our focus on our intent, to the best of our ability, to be in a place where we can connect to God, as He cherishes us.
In the beginning, we learned of how God created a perfect world for living a perfect life. Then, we saw how that was stolen from us by the transgression of Adam and Eve, and how the consequences of that ‘original sin’ was passed down from them, to their firstborn child, Cain.
Next, we examined the nature of the sin, including one facet of it that Cain indulged in – anger.
Today, I would like to look at how these sins, born of lies, may be perpetuated in the 21st century; but first, let us look at the nature of ourselves as God created us:
We were made in the image of God, that is, in the likeness of His Spirit, because Jehovah is a Spirit being (Jn. 4:24). That portion of ourselves is a piece of God’s Spirit, which is our life force – keeping us alive and providing a communication channel between Him and ourselves. Our spirits are housed in flesh.
God also gave us a soul, which is the part of us that thinks – consisting of our mind, will and emotions. The soul is what makes each of us unique. It transcends the brain and body, because we can watch ourselves think.
God tells us that to live a good and happy life, we should let our spirit rule over our soul and body (Gal. 5:16 – 26). Why? Because God always tells the truth (Heb. 6:18).
On the other hand, our body does not think; it only follows its desire to feel good, even if what it would have you do to achieve that might be harmful. Our soul can also be obsessed with deleterious types of pleasure.
So, if the body and soul cannot be trusted, our senses cannot always be trustworthy; and neither can the suggestions of the soul, who interprets what our senses mean, to fulfill its own agenda…
Our Creator placed a physical heart within our bodies – vital to our survival. However, it is just a muscle; it has no spiritual function. Yet God refers to our ‘heart’ repeatedly in His word – to love Him with it, that He examines it to make sure we are on the right path, that He will fill the desires of that heart, and that it reflects our true selves.
What Jehovah is referring to, is our spirit, our True Heart. This is the place we must listen to, protect, and keep sacred.
Adam and Eve did not listen to their True Hearts. They forgot about them, as do almost everyone else throughout the ages…
Yes, we are all born with the stain of Adam’s sin. Yet, God does not hold us accountable for it until we become aware of our malady. Thus, babies and young children are innocents. Moreover, if they grow up in a godly family, there is a good chance that they will seek out the cleansing of Christ at a young age and be rid of it.
Unfortunately, followers of Jesus do not occupy a majority in this world. Most innocent children are subjected to the secular worldly indoctrination, through ‘unconscious parenting,’ by the same deleterious process that was fed to them by their own parents.
We are not born with seeds of doubt or a spirit of rejection, but with a True Heart – created in love, to be love, and to spread love. As small children, we followed our spirit with glee and experienced our world without filters of judgment. But then, something happens…
The parents that are not aware of their own dark rules, handed down to them from their parents, begin brainwashing their children – thinking that they are doing the right thing by making these perfect kids mold to the ways of the world. They hope that they are sparing them from the suffering that they endured as kids.
This is not a malicious process. It is a process of generationally cultivated unconsciousness. The indoctrination begins subtly, without the child perceiving it. The first wave consists of the inculcation of ‘family values,’ based upon the opinions of others – teaching the kids what is good / bad, beautiful / ugly, true / false, and what has value / what does not.
It teaches our children to stop listening to their True Hearts, which is detrimental, because that is where the truth lies:
“I will put My law in their minds, and write it on their hearts; and I will be their God, and they shall be My people.” Jer. 31:33 NKJV
The parents then add layers of the laws of man upon the children, and they begin to sense a contradiction between the truth in their heart and what they are being forced to conform to. So, they begin to question the value of their own opinions and finally, the value of themselves, and it hurts.
This is the devil’s work in perpetuity: the kids do not believe they are good people (not true), and look to follow other people’s invented rules, hoping that they will be perceived as good and acceptable.
Essentially, they are following bogus dictates, so that they can fix a problem that does not exist – which is unsolvable!
And the unconscious parenting does not stop there. Government and its tentacles (e.g. public schools and the media) take it upon themselves to be the ‘greater parents’, to rob them of free thought, in the pursuit of creating vacuous, mediocre conformity, to perpetuate their over-lording.
If I could talk to every parent, I would stress this point above of all others:
There is not one word that comes from the mouth of a parent that does not burrow its way into the head of their child.
Especially when they hear things such as ‘Why can’t you ever learn?’ ‘What is the matter with you?’ ‘You should know better!’ ‘How could you be so stupid?’ ‘I can’t believe that you’re my child!’
No wonder a child gains a sense that something is wrong with them, if the people they love the most treat them this way. We must be conscious of what we do or say. Our children may forgive, but they do not forget.
Most of this carnage takes place by the age of six…
God commands us to educate our children in godly ways:
Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. Pr.22:6 ESV
However, we are also commanded to present that education in a godly way:
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger [do not exasperate them to the point of resentment with demands that are trivial or unreasonable or abusive; nor by showing favoritism or indifference to any of them], but bring them up [tenderly with lovingkindness and instruction in the Lord. Eph. 6:4 AMP
Yet, our children are clever. They adapt (in good ways and bad), to get their needs met for having a sense of being loved and accepted. This adaptation is an acquired mental ability to check off a growing list of behaviors that they hope will bring love and acceptance and keep the pain at bay.
This mental construct (ego), is a devil-enhanced voice in one’s head to help(?) them compensate for a lack that never existed. The children, (older now), use it to try to hide their ‘bad parts; by trying to change (‘I’ve got to improve!’) through oppressing their self-concocted delusions (‘I can’t let them see the real me!).
Just like their unconscious parents, they pretend that all is well, not ever talking about how they really feel; and this ego and the fear that it generates, sucks the life out of them. And they all but say goodbye to their true hearts…
We must learn not to be okay with that, to stand in the gap and put an end to this cycle.
The only way that we can bring the light to our children, is to embark upon that same journey ourselves – to regain consciousness by returning to our God-essence. That way we can be a loving, exhorting presence in their lives – impressing upon them that there was never anything wrong with them, that there is nothing wrong with them now, and there will never be anything wrong with them in the future.
This builds their self-respect and helps them see the perfection of God within.
Parents must help them see that everyone makes bad choices and teach them how to minimize that through the word of God, all the while affirming that who they are remains unsullied. Along the same lines, we must teach them that there are no failures, only lessons to be learned.
Finally, and most importantly, help them meet Jesus…
Goodnight and God bless.