right and wrong relationships Archives

Right and Wrong Relationships – part 3

We’ve looked at right marital and friendship relationships, (see Part 1 and Part 2 of this series). Now, let us look at what turns them from right to wrong.

There are universal ‘character flaws’ that are detrimental to all relationships:

For you were called to be free, brothers and sisters; only don’t use this freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but serve one another through love. For the whole law is fulfilled in one statement: Love your neighbor as yourself. But if you bite and devour one another, watch out, or you will be consumed by one another. Gal. 5:13 – 15. CSB

Now the works of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, moral impurity, promiscuity, idolatry…hatreds, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambitions, dissensions, factions, envy… Gal. 5:19, 20. CSB

Throughout the Bible, God also warns us about exercising dishonesty, lying, acting prideful, or being unfaithful or disrespectful. Ultimately then, having any kind of right relationship is about having a godly one.

Besides our relationship with God, let’s look at how His next most cherished relationship, marriage, is frequently broken. In the beginning of this post series, you might recall that I said, ‘Family doesn’t work unless the marriage works first.’ So, there is a lot at stake in making it do so.

The first phase of a wrong marital relationship begins with a breakdown of what should be the closest of friendships – consisting of one or both taking advantage of each other, losing mutual respect, and each spouse feeling frustrated and angry over character flaws of the other, that were first overlooked in the blush of new love.

Peace in the home is all but forgotten; and intimacy becomes a thing of the past:

A bowl of vegetables with someone you love is better than steak with someone you hate. Pr. 15:17 NLT

Better a dry crust eaten in peace than a house filled with feasting – and conflict. Pr. 17:1 NLT

Friendship and love are foundational for a right relationship:

My beloved is mine and I am his…This is my beloved and this is my friend. Song. 2:16 & 5:16 NKJV

When the foundation is gone, one or both of the partners seek to fill their needs elsewhere, maybe just a little ‘innocent’ flirtation. When they do that, they run right up into the face of their Maker. Look at His words:

Drink water from your own well – share your love only with your wife. Why spill the water of your springs in the streets, having sex with just anyone? You should reserve it for yourselves. Never share it with strangers. Pr. 5:15 – 17. NLT

Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery. Heb. 13:4 NLT

And don’t forget, these prohibitions were clearly stated in the Ten Commandments:

“You shall not commit adultery.” Ex. 20:14 NKJV

Because marriage is the most sacred of all man-woman relationships, it is the biggest target of the devil; and adultery is his most lethal weapon. From there, he can destroy entire families.

It is so deadly that God not only forbids the act of adultery itself, He further warns that even to have an intention to commit adultery invites judgment:

“…everyone who looks at women lustfully, has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Mt. 5:28 CSB

Any marriage partner that indulges in adultery, is prostituting his or her self:

And don’t you realize that if a man joins himself to a prostitute, he becomes one body with her? For the Scriptures say, “The two are united into one.” But the person who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with him.

Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, which was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body. 1 Cor. 6:16 – 20. NLT

But let’s not make light of the strength of the temptation to do so. The media and the culture indoctrinate us with the ‘thrill of it all,’ the perfect sex – an adventure that we all deserve. There are even dating websites for married people who want to cheat on their spouse.

Look to God first, to strengthen your resistance against the temptation, keep your focus on your spouse, and avoid potentially adulterous situations.

Lastly, do not withhold intimacy from your spouse as a form of punishment. It just emboldens the enemy all the more (1 Cor. 7:3 – 5.). As for how to live in a right marital relationship, look again to the first blogpost in this series.

Together, husbands and wives who love each other and are devoted to the well-being / success of their marriages, can receive all that God has intended for their lives. Marriage is sacred ground. If treated in that way, in a godly way, any other relationship that you have will blossom as well…Stay Tuned!

Goodnight and God bless.

Right and Wrong Relationships – part 2

In part one, we briefly looked at King David’s wrong (adulterous) relationship; and we explored how marriage and family looks like in a right (godly) relationship, (see Right and Wrong Relationships).

Other than also having a right relationship with God, (your primary relationship, which is what my entire blog is about), the last major right relationship that we need to examine, is one of friendship.

All people need human companionship. Having friends transforms our lives from mere survival to one that is nurtured by their love. God also brings us those same friends to bless us with more of His love – as He cherishes us through them.

When you pare it all down, when you ask for friendship, you are asking someone to ‘stand by you.’ If they concur, you will both enjoy exhortation, encouragement, and greater success in life:

Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken. Ecc. 4:9 – 12. NLT

Iron sharpens iron, and one person sharpens another. Pr. 27:17 CSB

Friendship is a gift from God; but one seeking friendship must present themselves as a desirable space, whereupon that friend may be nurtured as well:

A man who has friends must himself be friendly… Pr. 18:24 NKJV

The benefits of having friends is manifold. For example, they will lay truth before you, no matter how difficult it may be to receive, so that you may grow:

The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense. Pr. 27:9 NLT

Faithful are the wounds of a friend [who corrects out of love and concern]… Pr. 27:6 AMP

Once we get these right friend relationships, how do we keep them?

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a difficult time. Pr. 17:17 CSB

Moreover, loving our friends is required to have a right relationship with God:

The one who loves God must also love his brother and sister. 1 Jn. 4:21 CSB

Jehovah God loves you so much. He never leaves anything to chance. He knows how important friendships are in your life, so He left you guidelines in His word to keep you from letting your right relationship deteriorate into a wrong one:

…let us no longer judge one another. Instead, decide never to put a stumbling block or pitfall in the way of your brother or sister. Rm. 14:13 CSB

“If another believer sins, rebuke that person, then if there is repentance, forgive. Even if that person wrongs you seven times a day and each time turns again and asks for forgiveness, you must forgive.” Lk. 17:3, 4. NLT

Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends. Pr. 17:9 NLT

Remember that we are all human, and thus weak in the flesh. And it is during the manifestation of those weaknesses that we need love, forgiveness and exhortation – not judgment:

“For the despairing man there should be kindness from his friend; so that he does not forsake the fear (reverence) of the Almighty.” Job 6:14 NASB

Indeed, where better to bolster our friendships than when we can serve God together:

Love one another deeply as brothers and sisters. Take the lead in honoring one another. Do not lack diligence in zeal; be fervent in the Spirit; serve the Lord. Rm. 12:10, 11. CSB

I believe that God has granted us the opportunity for friendship(s) to learn how to give and receive love. First, we must make friends with ourselves, so that we know what love is; and then we can radiate that love outwards, to as many as we can touch in our lifetimes – under the umbrella of our Creator…

Next time, we will wrap this series up, by looking at wrong marital relationships and how to avoid them.

Goodnight and God bless.

Right and Wrong Relationships

God loved King David. He called him a ‘man after His own heart’ (1 Sam. 13:14). Jehovah established his throne and united Israel under his rule. Furthermore, He granted David an eternal dynasty:

“…the LORD declares that he will make a house for you – a dynasty of kings!…Your house and your kingdom will continue before me for all time, and your throne will be secure forever.” 2 Sam. 7:11 & 16. NLT

There is no physical house / throne that will last forever. God is referring to the eternal kingdom of Jesus Christ, whose earthly body will be birthed from the lineage of King David. The favor of God continued to follow him…

Outside of Jesus however, there is no one who is above falling down. On a warm spring evening, King David decided to cool off on his rooftop, (He was married to Saul’s daughter at this time). Looking out over the rooftops, he sees a beautiful woman bathing on hers.

Filled with lust, he has her (who is also married) brought to him for an adulterous tryst. The woman, Bathsheba, was subsequently impregnated. King David had her soldier husband sent to the front lines of battle, whereupon David knew that he would lose his life. Then, he married Bathsheba – definitely a wrong relationship. This did not get by Jehovah:

But the thing that David had done [with Bathsheba] was evil in the sight of the LORD. 2 Sam. 11:27 AMP

God then sent his prophet Nathan, to let David know his deed is known, and to deliver His penalty. Nathan said that David’s house would be troubled for the remainder of his days and that the deed he had hoped to keep secret, would be played out in public.

(Indeed, David and Bathsheba’s first child was taken by sickness – leading to death. One of his subsequent sons rapes his half-sister, and the half-sister’s brother takes the rapist’s life in vengeance. That same son publicly commits adultery with one of King David’s wives, and also lays a plot to kill his father, but dies himself in the attempt.)

King David confesses and repents, and God forgives him…

Obviously, adultery is injurious (not to mention murder, in David’s case) to relationships. God gave us guidelines for having right relationships; and anything outside of those standards must be considered wrong relationships.

Let’s begin by examining how to have our first conscious right relationship – the one with our parents:

“Honor (respect, obey, care for) your father and your mother, so that your days may be prolonged in the land that the LORD your God gives you.” Ex. 20:12 AMP

This is the fifth of the Ten Commandments and is the only one of them that offers you a blessing of long life when you obey it.

God also has designs for the right relationship of marriage. After all, He invented it:

“Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” Mk. 10:7 – 9. ESV

…among the Lord’s people, women are not independent of men, and men are not independent of women. For although the first woman came from man, every other man was born of a woman, and everything comes from God. 1 Cor. 11:11, 12. NLT

Thus, we see that marriage is between a man and a woman; and with the exception of unrepentant adultery, abuse, or abandonment, it is meant to be a life-long relationship of equality and interdependence.

“…marriage is a gift from God- it is a gift that God bestows on human beings as His servants – and secondly, that marriage is for God – it is a gift to be used for God’s service and the service of His kingdom.” William J.U. Philip: Aspects of Love

The husband is blessed from God through his wife:

A virtuous and excellent wife [worthy of honor] is the crown of her husband… Pr. 12:4 AMP

He who finds a [true and faithful] wife finds a good thing and obtains favor and approval from the Lord. Pr. 18:22 AMP

Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies. Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. Pr. 31:10 – 12. NLT

Both the husband and wife have a heavenly mandate to live together interdependently, but with distinct established roles:

Wives be subject to your husbands [out of respect for their position as protector, and their accountability to God], as is proper and fitting in the Lord. Husbands love your wives [with an affectionate, sympathetic, selfless love that always seeks the best for them] and do not be embittered or resentful toward them [because of the responsibilities of marriage]. Col. 3:18, 19. AMP

What then about how the marriage serves the kingdom of God?

And did not God make [you and your wife] one [flesh]? Did not One make you and preserve your spirit alive? And why [did God make you two] one? Because He sought godly offspring [from your union]. Therefore take heed to yourselves and let no one deal treacherously and be faithless to the wife of his youth. Mal. 2:15 AMPC

This is a two-fold command: to have children, and to keep the marriage solvent. The children are to cover the earth, to fill God’s paradise, to be a good steward of it, to be a blessing to their family, to become children of God, and to repeat the cycle.

Your wife will be like a fruitful grapevine, flourishing within your home. Your children will be like vigorous young olive trees as they sit around your table. That is the LORD’s blessing for those who fear (revere) him. Ps. 128:3, 4. NLT

Behold, children are a gift from the LORD, the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth. How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them… Ps. 127:3 – 5. NASB

Like any other blessing from God, the responsibility of good stewardship accompanies raising children:

Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it. Pr. 22:6 NLT

For he issued his laws to Jacob; he gave his instructions to Israel. He commanded our ancestors to teach them to their children, so the next generation might know them – even the children not yet born – and they in turn will teach their own children. So each generation should set its hope anew on God, not forgetting his glorious miracles and obeying his commands. Ps. 78:5 – 7. NLT

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger [do not exasperate them to the point of resentment with demands that are trivial or unreasonable or humiliating or abusive; nor by showing favoritism or indifference to any of them], but bring them up [tenderly with lovingkindness] in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Eph. 6:4 AMP

Our mandate as Christians, is to teach our children about God, who He is, what He’s done through Christ, what He is still doing, and how they must behave to secure their heavenly hope, as well as spreading the gospel to their own children.

You see that God has singled out the fathers in the third scripture. This is not to diminish the mother’s influence in their children’s upbringing, but to point to the father’s tendency to be sterner in their discipline.

However, the family doesn’t flourish unless the marriage flourishes. More to come…

Goodnight and God bless.

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