All problems are rooted in self-induced episodes of spiritual deafness where our hearts are concerned. It likewise applies to our children. At these times, we can calmly sit down with them, and help them see where the right and wrong sides of their issue lie, as well as help illuminate the ‘rightness’ in pursuing the correct outcome.
When a child can wrap their head around the quest to grow as a person on the journey that God has laid out for them, he or she will find God’s favor everywhere. Life just works better. Moreover, your child will begin to internalize this correlation and act accordingly. For the parent to help facilitate this, it’s always about stopping whatever they are doing, and communicate with their child until they can recognize how they are being.
If they can clearly see that they themselves went astray from their path for having the highest and best life, they’ll take ownership of that, and make the necessary corrections.
Most assuredly, calling them ‘stupid’ won’t accomplish that. Again, who they are being will determine what they are doing; and every action has a consequence. In their hearts, all children would rather that it be a good one.
Another important foundation to teach our children, is about present-time consciousness. The past has passed and cannot be changed. With confession and repentance, that past is forgiven. So, other than remembering the lesson, the event is in past tense. The future is unknown and fretting over it changes nothing. All of life happens only in present time.
There will be times when your children will point out your mistakes in life, to justify wanting something that is not good for them. Those are the times for frank honesty – pointing out how you were not listening to your heart. Give them the reason why and tell them of the undesirable effects that had on your life. It would also be a great time to share how you eventually overcame that situation, how you forgave yourself, and how you made amends for your transgressions.
In addition, it’s a wonderful time to point out that you just don’t know everything, and never will. So, you’re letting them know that the school of life is never ‘on hold; it always has to be dealt with and grown into.
This is also the time to suggest that there is great joy in learning, because all new wisdom promotes a better life.
These discussions make you human and gives them the room to confess and repent for their own humanity.
Children too, bring guilt and shame upon themselves. They need to know that they can clean that up with God in a moment’s notice. It brings them back to a place where happiness and joy can thrive:
“I , even I, am He who blots out your transgressions for My own sake; and I will not remember your sins. Put Me in remembrance; let us contend together; state your case, that you may be acquitted.” Is. 43:26, 26. NKJV
Help your child understand that who they are in God’s eyes, is what’s paramount. If they’re doing their best to walk His walk, He has everything covered – they will be walking continually under His love lamp. This assurance armors them from anyone whose opinion of them is contrary to what God thinks; and He thinks immeasurably good things about His children.
The godly child is also the one who is engaged in life. In today’s world, they meet with continual challenges against that engagement. The media is telling them how to think, how to dress, to smell, what mores they should align with (many of which are far from godly) – passing all of this excrement to our kids through a vast array of electronic devices.
It’s so important to try to encourage our children to read enriching material – first by reading to them when they’re young. And to impart the skill of critical thinking. They sure as heck aren’t going to get that in what passes for public education these days.
The art and use of conversation is vital to one’s mental health. At the heart of mastering it, is the ability to listen and ask questions. They are also the key to learning. This is how your children grow and shift their focus from themselves and place it on others – by shedding self-obsession.
Our primary tool for communication is language. In fact, you can’t think of anything without putting a ‘word’ to it. All reality is based in language. Coming from the mouth of an awakened person, communication becomes a tool of limitless, loving creativity.
We teach our children to speak with kindness, love and compassion, by impressing upon them the need to give these same things to themselves first. As they fill themselves with these godly traits, it will naturally spill over onto others as they nurture their innate desire to share their love.
Tell your child about the solidity of words, how they can inspire and exhort, or downgrade and injure. Inform him or her that when they’ve said something unkind to another, that those words are etched onto the hearer’s spirit. Thus, they must admit their error and restore the love.
Teach them about the negativity that surrounds complaining and tell them to avoid the people that they complain to – those who enable them to play the victim. Moreover, help them become self-questioning sleuths so that they can find out why they are bringing the things to their lives that they complain about and what their payoff is for complaining. Perhaps it is to bring attention to themselves, to express an assumed helplessness, or to hide the fact that it may be their actions / inaction that are at the heart of their needs not being met.
Communication works the best when it is infused with love. In that context, we can teach our children that they don’t have to worry about always ‘being right’ in their opinion, and not having to defend their position. It is always best to stop blaming outwardly, and instead to look inside to see what is in our hearts.
Help your child see that if a communication problem presents itself, that they are far better served if they ask themselves, ‘How can I communicate more clearly?’ ‘Is there a hurt in myself or in my listener that I can help me / them get past?’
A man has joy by the answer of his mouth, and a word spoken in due season, how good it is! Pr. 15:23 NKJV
In addition, we can impart the need for integrity within our child’s speech. Life only works to the degree that the one living it, aligns with their word.
We all fall out of integrity and break agreements at times. Without self-judgment, we just need to acknowledge that we broke a commitment and make the necessary corrections. Then, we can recommit to our agreement and go on with life. Every time we keep a commitment, our ability to stay in integrity gathers strength, which also grows our self-confidence.
Obviously, to remain in integrity means that we must stop telling lies.
Finally, real communication begins when you realize that you don’t know what’s true for another person. That’s why you must first listen and seek clarification so that you can understand ‘what is so’ for them. If a particular communication is not progressing well, look for what might be ‘missing’ in the conversation rather than what is ‘wrong,’ and be willing to change your approach.
When your child grasps these principles and masters them, then any conversation they have (with God, themselves, and others) with be steeped in joy, meaning, revelation, enrichment and growth.
More to come…
Goodnight and God bless.